I like you more.

I like you more than you like me.
I like you more than she likes you.
I like you more than they like me.
I like you more than I should.

Remember?

That one time when I came over? I had anxiety and my heart felt like it was going to explode from the days events. Remember you held me and we laid on the floor.

You..

I knew that this was going to happen. That I would end up feeling this way. I like you. And I know that you don't feel the same. I read far too deeply into your actions towards me and then question your motives. I want to be done and I am ready for it, but I usually get sucked back in. Damn. Silly girl with silly girl feelings.

Take What I need.

I am ready to leave. I feel there is nothing left here for me other than my family and my few friends. There is nothing promising here. I'm tired of the scene, and tired of the people. I don't know where I would like to go. Anywhere but here. And with those I care for.

Musical Coincidence

Sometimes I feel my iPod knows my mood when I shuffle. Today especially. At about the three minute mark, these lyrics seem to match my situations almost perfectly.



I am not much of a Bright Eyes fan. But I like this one.

Heavy Boots

This week has been rough. I only have one more day till the weeek, but it feels like FOREVER. There are so many things to deal with and they are getting to me one by one. I don't know how much more I can deal with. Fingers crossed that I make it just a little bit longer..

Hey..

I'm moving. Again. Hopefully this week. But this time it will be so good. I need to be packing now, but I'm too excited and need to tell. Girl time ALL THE TIME.

Maybe This Time?

I really need to be better about this bloggins thang. I don't want to make any promises now about posting every day, or week.. Because I do not want to disappoint when I do not meet the expectations that I have publicly set for myself. Fingers crossed that more will be posted.

Summa Time

It's almost here. And with the Summer comes many event, which I am surely looking forward to. Warmth being one. Thursdays. Late late nights. Camping. Too many fun times coming up. I will also be moving in with my good friends, Rachelle and Melissa, into a basement apartment in Provo for a few months. I am so excited about this and look forward to the spontaneous dance parties, mostly between just the three of us, that will take place. Not to mention the tea parties, and crafties. I think this will be good for me. I love these girls so much and they will be good examples for me. We will see what will come from this. I'm feeling good about it. I'm ready for Summer and ready for FUN.

Now.

Everything seems to be more complicated then in really needs to be. Part of me really wants to run away from it. But that makes me a pansy. I don't want to be a pansy, okay.

stolen.

This makes me happy.

then sad.

The Best Thing.

Holding hands. Under a blanket. While watching a movie. No one know but the two.

No More

I still don't understand why I am so drawn to you. Probably the silly games we play. The ones that drive me mad. The ones that leave us both confused. But the ones I love. I have to distance myself, in the hopes of drawing you nearer. I know I am being silly thinking it will work. But I become antsy. And I cave.. I need some contact. But you're not there. I am going to try to win these kiddy games we play. You wait and see.

Irritated.

I open up far to easily. Never a good thing. I'll probably scare you away before I can get a chance. I'd love to be able to stay away.. But there is something that is so irresistible that makes me want more. More of you. I cant quite distinguish what that might be. All the while I'm being so drawn in, the farther that you become. The farther I push you. I then try to distance myself, in the hopes of you coming back. But your always on my mind, lingering. Driving me mad. Leaving me nutty, and not entirely sure what to do.

Left waiting

All I can do is wait. Wait for the answer. Your decision. I don't know if I am ready. I don't know if I can wait any longer. The decision. It breaks my heart. You broke my heart.

Temp Home.

I really like my new place. I am still in the process of unpacking [procrastination]. There is still so much that I have to get. Lights, hooks, hangers, garbage can, food. Not to mention internet access at home.. Not work. The list grows with everyday. I just got paid and I am willing to bet that most of my paycheck will go towards this list. No bueno.

P.S. I realized how amazing my friends truely are. I am so very grateful for them. They don't judge me for anything. They let me talk through my problems and help me in so many ways. I love them and always will. You guys are the best.

Slow Down.

Wow. It seems like so much has happened in less than a week. I really have no time to catch my breath. I am just a bit overwhelmed. There is so much to do in very little time and here I am blogging while my list continues to grow..

I Thought Wrong.

I thought I was finally getting use to things. But things are still changing. I, for one, am no good with change. I am having a difficult time adjusting to the ways of this new life. But I am.. Trying.

Well, I lost my job last week and have been looking for a new one. I don't know where to look. My plans, if successful, is to move up to SLC and find a job there. But my problem is, first, I don't have a job. I need a job to get money to move[obviously]. Second, I don't want to get a job and have to quit as soon as I am ready to move [which I hope would be sooner than later]. Third.. I still have lots of things to take care of here in the valley. I am just antsy and I want to get this show on the road.

Venting..

Like always, I vent in my blog posts. I think it
helps me to see my thoughts in writing.
Today, I feel.. Off. I can't explain exactly why.
I am doubting things that I thought to be so
secure and sure in my life. This new routine of
my mine is throwing me off. Some normalcy and
consistency would be really good. I would just like to
have things return to the way they were back then.
The good times that seem so far away, but at the
same time, seem as if they were just yesterday.

ps. thanks for the nice comments from the Anonymous writer[s].
It is nice knowing that some one reads my ranting and rambling.

pps. did you know that pps is the [suppose] to be the correct
way rather than pss? It's post post script instead of post script script..

ppps. jordan comes home tuesday. :]

Oh Boy.

I feel so overwhelmed with everything right now.
There is still so much that I have to do
And it is holding me back from moving on..
It seems that I have been working so hard
and I haven't even made a dent.
My pace is so disheartening..